Heaven Help Me
by katreena
Summary: A modern retelling of Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice. Darcy was his name - I don't know why everyone referred to him using his last name - and he was the most annoying man I had ever met.
1. Chapter One

**Author's Note: **

Hello! A new story from me. Please be aware that the English used in this story is Australian. If you think it's a spelling error, then it might not be. Now that that's out of the way, enjoy this story and leave reviews if you liked it and even if you didn't.

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><p><strong>-Chapter One-<strong>

As far as I could remember, the house across the street had remained vacant. No one was too sure why it stayed so. My younger sisters, in their infinite boredom, liked to make up stories about the house. Their favourite story involved a forbidden love and a loss that threatened to tear the two lovebirds apart – a typical mushy romance novel plot. Of course, there was a logical explanation for the vacancy.

No one could afford it.

The global financial crisis had pretty much killed any chance of the house being sold. There wasn't much money floating around – people preferred to save what little cash they had – and the housing market had taken a pretty big hit.

"Lizzie."

We lived in a considerably wealthy neighbourhood; there was no graffiti, all the lawns were lush and green, and almost every house had a pool.

"Lizzie."

Even if our house did look like it belonged on the cover of one of England's most prestigious home and garden magazines, no amount of glamour could ever make my family seem any more than middle class.

"Lizzie."

With the sole exception of Jane. I used to always think she was adopted because-

"Elizabeth Grace Bennet!"

The use of full names in our home always signalled the bringer of bad tidings whose name was 'mom'.

"Oh, mom!" I said, "I didn't know you were standing there."

She stood at the door of my room – strange, I thought I closed that – with a dishcloth in one hand and a ladle in the other. She liked to cook. A lot. She was a plump little woman, standing at just under my chin with wiry blonde hair and sharp blue eyes.

"Well, of course you didn't. I had to call your name four times before you replied."

Not wanting to start an argument with her because of her abundant amount of irrationality, I simply sighed.

"What did you need mom?"

"Did you hear the news? Someone has finally decided to buy that house across the street."

I pretended to be interested in the hopes of her leaving my room soon. "Really? Maybe you should go and tell dad the news. I'm sure he'd love to hear it."

Her eyes lit up at the prospect of constant talk – mainly from her – and she was out the door before I could tell her where my father was.

It was mean spirited of me to sick my mom on my poor defenceless dad and a sense of guilt welled up in the pit of my stomach. It was soon replaced with mild satisfaction when I recalled an incident involving him, my now ex-boyfriend and my grandfather's old hunting rifle. Needless to say, it was an awkward night at the hospital emergency room.

I still hadn't forgiven him for that.

I had a few moments peace before I heard footsteps racing up the stairs. Two sets of feet. I groaned in agony as Kitty and Lidia ambled into my room, jumped on my bed and proceeded to destroy my immaculately made covers.

Damn it. Now I'd have to tidy it up again.

"Lizzie, Lizzie! Did you hear?"

I always found it creepy how in sync they were with each other – they dressed similarly and acted similarly. They even sounded the same. People often mistook them for twins until either Jane or I told them they were separated by a year.

"About the house being sold? Sorry, but mom was in here earlier and told me." They pouted at me. I chose to ignore them. "If you're finished, can you two leave? I need to finish this report for Monday."

"Well, that was part of our news," Kitty said. She leaned forward, an eager glint in her eye. "I heard that the house was bought by this really rich family-"

"-and that they have a really cute son." That was Lidia. She liked to butt into people's conversations and take over. I guess it was something she picked up from mom.

"Yeah, so?" I asked, turning my back to them to focus on this god awful report.

"Lizzie," they said in a whiny toddler tone before Lidia continued, "you don't get it? A boy! Living across the street from us."

"Yeah," Kitty said, nodding her head far too enthusiastically for my liking, "I hope he's our age. Can you just imagine?"

The two giggled to each other, no doubt imagining a handsome prince riding them away into the sunset. I just rolled my eyes. They were only teenagers – Kitty turned fifteen last spring and Lidia was still just fourteen – so I could at least forgive them for their idiotic behaviour. I was a teenager once myself.

"I'd rather not imagine anything other than the writings of Aristotle for this stupidly long report."

"You're so boring Lizzie," Lidia said as she grabbed Kitty's hand and ran out of my room, "you're gonna age really badly if you keep being such a prude."

Running my hand through my hair, I let out yet another sigh. This family was going to be the death of me. At least I finally had a bit of peace and quiet.

Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on the way I look at it), my peace was broken by my phone ringing. Grunting in frustration, I reached over to the night stand and flipped it open. When my eyes read the caller ID, my eyes lit up in the same fashion my mom's had previously. In big bold letter flashed the name 'Jane'.

Squealing like a little girl – Kitty and Lidia would be so proud of me – I eagerly pressed the little green button and held the phone up to my ear.

"Jane!"

A light, feathery laugh wafted through the ear piece before I heard the all too familiar voice of my older sister. "Hey Lizzie. How are you?"

"Not too bad. This essay is killing me though and I haven't had a moment's peace at all."

"Really? Why?"

"Well, mom's being her normal gossipy self. Kitty and Lidia are as talkative and hyper as ever and dad's been shutting himself in the study again because of the gun incident. All in all, the usual stuff."

"Aw, poor Lizzie. Why don't you go to the library or something? I bet it's a lot quieter there."

To be honest, the thought of a library never even occurred to me. I can be quite stupid sometimes. I gave a sheepish laugh as I imagined Jane shaking her head on the other side of the phone.

"Anyway, why are you calling? Not that I don't appreciate the normalcy of our conversations. Have I told you how much I've missed having you around?"

Jane laughed again before continuing. "Well, I called to say that I'm at the airport now."

It took a moment for my brain to process this new bit of information. "Huh?" I admit, it's not one of my most eloquent phrases.

"I'm at the airport and need a lift. I'm coming home."

The shock of the news hit me so hard that I actually fell from my swivel chair. I'd only ever seen that happen on television. Mom must've heard the noise I made and her curiosity made her come and investigate because I soon heard her all too familiar shrill voice from my doorway. Again.

"Lizzie! What in the world are you doing? You gave me such a fright. Come on, get up off the floor and next time please have some compassion for my poor nerves."

I didn't really care much about her 'poor nerves' as she liked to put it. I jumped from the floor and ran past my mom all the while keeping Jane on the line.

"Lizzie!" I heard her call as I bolted down the stairs. "Really, that girl is going to be the cause of my nervous breakdown. Lizzie, why are you in such a rush?"

Stopping my conversation with Jane, I turned to her just as I had opened the front door, car keys in hand. She stood at the top of the stairs, hands on her hips and an unhappy expression on her small face.

"I can't talk right now mom. Jane's coming home. She's at the airport now and I need to go and get her."

Mom blinked a few times before throwing her hands in the air and letting out an almighty scream. She ran down the stairs faster than I had ever seen her run and practically pushed me out the door.

"Well, why didn't you say so earlier? Go on, hurry up. Jane must be dying to come home. Oh what joyous news! Lidia, Kitty! Great news!"

I laughed to myself as I closed the door behind me. My mom was right; it was a joyous occasion.

Jane was finally coming home.


	2. Chapter Two

**Author's Note:  
><strong>

Hello! Thank you to everyone who left a review. I really appreciate it. I had a question from a reviewer that I'd like to answer: Lizzie's age will be revealed soon. Just stay patient please.

Anyway, that's it for this author note. Oh and whoever recognizes where the last line of this chapter comes from will get a virtual cookie :)

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><p><strong>-Chapter Two-<strong>

"Jane!"

"Lizzie!"

I squeezed my way through the throng of people crowded around the exit terminal, apologizing as I accidentally stepped on a few feet. I got a couple of evil stares as a reply. Understandable I suppose. I may have a relatively slight frame – I work out most days – but I was still quite heavy. A sixty-six kilo girl stepping on anyone's foot would still hurt.

Especially an overly zealous sixty-six kilo girl.

I could see her just up ahead, her immaculately coiled blonde head bobbing up and down as she made her way toward me. She seemed to be having a much easier time of manoeuvring her way through the crowd. From my vantage point, it looked like the people around her actually went out of their way to make her trek easier.

I attributed that to her looks. From her perfectly round face to her cute little toes, she looked every bit the angel that my mother was so very proud of. Truth be told, I never really saw how she came from my parents. Maybe good looks skipped a generation. It was the only logical explanation.

I was almost able to grasp Jane's hand when I felt something heavy collide with my back. I let out a surprised yelp as I fell.

I know it sounds idiotic but I never realized just how hard the ground was until that very moment. At least if it was grass, it would have helped to cushion my fall somewhat but no, this was concrete – hard, grainy concrete.

Now I'd have to explain the extra cuts and scrapes on my arms to mom. She's always complaining that I have no grace or elegance whatsoever and this would give her even more ammo to hurt my already wounded pride. Great. Couldn't wait to get home now.

To make matters worse, almost everyone saw my disgraceful fall and no one was doing a damn thing to help. I was now completely convinced that chivalry truly was dead.

"Geez, what the heck was that?"

I didn't expect anyone to actually reply so it came as a complete shock when I heard a voice.

"Sorry."

It wasn't just any ordinary voice either. It sounded distinguished and refined. There was a certain roughness to it – something that only a man's voice could have – and yet helped to completely soothe my frazzled nerves.

Until he decided to open his mouth again.

"You're so short I didn't see you. Are you okay?"

Short? I haven't been called short since my pre-growth spurt age. By this point I was standing, dusting off my hands and jeans – I noticed the small hole forming over my right knee – and glaring angrily at the ground.

When I looked up to meet his eyes, I finally understood why he would think my one-hundred and seventy-five centimetre frame was short. Compared to him, I must have looked like a dwarf. He had to be at least one eighty-five and his broad shoulders didn't help to make him look any smaller.

What I noticed the most however, was the way his slightly curled ebony hair fell into his deep, brown eyes. He was a handsome man. In fact, he had to be the most gorgeous man I had ever seen. Too bad his good looks were offset by his haughty attitude.

I mean, the man could have at least lent me a hand. It was his fault that I found myself eating concrete. Even the way he stood slightly irked me. He was fiddling with his jacket – probably checking for his wallet – and seemed disinterested in my welfare. Granted we were strangers but he could have at least shown a little compassion for my plight.

"Well sorry for being so short. I'll be sure to grow a few more centimetres to avoid being stepped on by your humungous feet."

That seemed to get his attention. For the first time since the whole debacle began, he looked at me. If I weren't so incensed at his indifferent behaviour, I probably would have blushed like a pre-pubescent school girl. He really was hot.

Before he could reply with a witty comeback, I turned on my heel and proceeded to ignore him. Ha! Take that.

I could be such a child sometimes.

I hadn't taken more than a few steps forward when I heard another voice. Thankfully, it wasn't the arrogant moron from earlier.

"Lizzie! What happened? You disappeared for a second there."

Jane's pale face appeared in front of me, her bags sitting beside her. She hadn't changed much since the last time I saw her – almost a year ago now – but too be honest, I couldn't picture my sister any other way. She would always be the same calm, gentle Jane who had watched over me when I was younger.

"Nothing, just some idiot knocking me over. Seriously, you'd think he'd have a little more compassion since he was at fault."

"Come on Lizzie, I'm sure it was just an accident. Don't be so angry."

If Jane had a single flaw, it would be her easy acceptance of everybody. She was just too damn nice.

"Well, whatever. I doubt I'd ever see him again." Linking my arm with hers, I grabbed one of her bags as she reached for the other. "So, how have you been? I haven't seen you in ages."

"Not too bad. Studying hard like always. How's everyone at home?"

I sighed. "Do you really need to ask? Mom's being nosy, Kitty and Lidia are being annoying, Mary's being reclusive and dad's just avoiding everybody. All in all, pretty normal."

Jane laughed, no doubt recalling all the idiosyncrasies that made up our family. Not that I could be considered normal in the ordinary sense. My thirst for knowledge has labelled me a bookworm-slash-nerd among my peers. Needless to say, I didn't have many close friends.

"Oh, how I've missed everyone," Jane said as we finally made it to my car. I had to refrain myself from replying sarcastically. It was harder than I thought.

The airport that day was unusually busy so finding a parking spot ended up being a monumental chore and we found ourselves on the outskirts of the parking lot, a good hundred metres away from the terminal. This was definitely not my lucky day.

"Yeah well, let's see how you feel after a few days. You made the right choice in moving away to go to university," I said as I started the engine. Jane always travelled light, so there was ample room in my small car for her bags.

"Lizzie," she replied as she opened the passenger side door, "our family isn't that bad. We've managed to survive this long in that house after all."

She had a point there and I couldn't help but agree as I started the engine and made the long drive home.

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><p>As soon as we stepped through the front door, mom's loud, shriek of a voice reverberated throughout the house.<p>

"Jane! Oh, my Jane!"

She came barrelling down the stairs – the second time that morning – and hugged Jane. Mom squeezed her so tight, I thought she would explode. She looked over at me in desperation, pleading with her baby blue eyes to get mom's pudgy arms from around her thin frame. I simply shook my head in reply before grabbing her bags and heading up the stairs.

I'd let her suffer for a few moments.

Mom's overjoyed voice was soon joined by Lidia and Kitty. I could even hear the muted laugh of Mary. I hadn't seen her much in the past few months, except at meals, and I was glad she had finally extracted – for lack of a better word – herself from seclusion long enough to welcome Jane home.

Once I placed all the bags inside Jane's room, I made my way towards the drawing room, where the family had gathered. Dad was sitting on the large armchair – his designated spot since we bought the house several years back – watching his ridiculous wife and younger daughters fawn over his eldest.

He never showed much emotion yet I noticed a slight glimmer in his eye as he observed Jane. He was proud of her, we all were, and was glad she was back. At least he'd have two relatively sane girls in the house now.

"Jane, Jane! We've got the best news ever," Lidia said. She was sitting on the carpeted floor in front of the couch, looking up at Jane through her chocolate coloured bangs.

"Really? What is it?"

Kitty took it upon herself to answer. "Someone finally bought the old house across the street. You know, the haunted one."

"It's not haunted Kitty," I said. I found myself standing behind the couch, over Jane's shoulder and across from my dad. "You really need to stop making up stories."

Kitty pouted. It was cute when she was five but now it just looked stupid. "Well, whatever," she said as she turned back to Jane, "that's not all though. While you guys were at the airport, a moving truck came."

I groaned. The neighbours had just arrived and my crazy family was already bothering them with house visits. Lovely.

"Yeah, and we went over to say hello," Lidia said. I let out another groan. "What's with that weird noise Lizzie? Do you have something in your throat? Anyway, so we went over and the boy was just as handsome as we thought he'd be."

"Yeah. It's a shame he wasn't younger though, right Lidia?" Kitty said. "If he were a few years younger, we would have asked him out right there and then."

I forgot how annoying hormone driven girls were.

"Yes, dear, he was a lovely young man." I didn't realize mom was in the room until that moment. She had remained remarkably quiet throughout the whole exchange – a feat I wasn't aware she was capable of doing. It must have been some sort of new record. "But you and Lizzie will get the chance to see for yourselves tomorrow night."

"Tomorrow night? Why? What's happening tomorrow night?" I asked.

My mom clapped her hands together in glee, something she only did when she was plotting something. I suddenly felt a cold chill run up my spine at the prospect of her meddling.

"I was speaking to the mother earlier and suggested they throw a housewarming party. Of course, it's just an excuse to get Charlie to meet my beautiful Jane." She turned to dad at that point, a huge smile on her face. "Wouldn't they make a wonderful couple dear?"

My dad, always the one to play along simply for the fun of it, nodded his head. "Yes dear, they certainly would."

I groaned again. I seemed to be doing that a lot lately.

What better way to show the world just how ridiculous my family was than to let them lose in a large, social gathering?

I snorted - in my mind of course. I wouldn't want Lidia to think I was the crazy one. There was no better way.

Oh dear, this could only end in tears.


End file.
